Brainshambles|

So we drove an hour to go look at Dachshund puppies today. I was really concerned about finding an appropriate breeder, healthy puppy with a good temperment, etc.

Kyle instantly fell in love:

So he is only 4 weeks old, and we can pick him up on the 25th. I am super excited. I have wanted a dachsund for yearssssss. Kyle was sad that we couldn’t take him right away! But it’s great that we have a few weeks to really prepare. I have always had rescue/mutt dogs and cats and really recommend getting animals from shelters. But Kyle and I both fell in love with the Dachshund breed, and did our research. So shoot me. Top names right now: Strudel, Butter, Ammo, Dolce.

1. Today is my LAST day of clinical (until september)

2. After clinical, Kyle and I are driving an hour to go look at *gasps*….DACHSHUND puppies!

3. Expect lots of pictures this weekend. Fourth of July party, possible pup, all around happiness.

Addiction is, in my eyes, one of the saddest afflictions man can be faced with.

I hate losing sleep over it, I hate the gut-wrenching stress, I hate the guilt I constantly feel for wanting to completely pull away. At what point do I decide to stop being taken advantage of, and when do I bail? I can’t see any other way out. You can only give people so many second, third, fourth and fifth chances. In the process of trying to save others, I have broken myself. I guess it has been a struggle to accept the fact that someone who loves you can still manipulate and use you. They might not even know they are doing it. It has just become habit. They convince themselves that the world is against them. There is no other way of living for them…they have conditioned themselves. Why should they think any different, either? If people continually feed their need and continue to pick up the pieces–how will they ever change?

I cannot keep giving out second chances. I must look after me. How am I supposed to take care of others if I cannot care for myself first? Why was I cursed with such a heavy heart?

I have a horse show today. And a long paper to write. And two tests to study for. All before tomorrow. Eeep!

Oh yeah, PS–my life is fucking insane. As if family relations (excluding mom and stepdad) were not fucked enough…they just keep getting worse and worse. But it’s alright. Because in one week, I will have NO school, a giant apartment to clean and love, and an impending trip to Chicago with my boy. So come on LIFE…keep throwing shit on my face. I can take it.

This morning was quite interesting at clinical. I arrived on the floor tired as HELL (as per usual), was assigned to a patient screaming in pain, with a nurse who decided that I was completely incompetent. As if that weren’t fun enough…we were notified of the need for an immediate evacuation due to a gas leak. Doesn’t sound too bad, right? The floor we are on has like 8 patients on ventilators, the rest on oxygen, and many cannot walk. So it was like total scrambling…everyone pushing beds down the hall and grabbing oxygen tanks and what not. Overall though…I think we did it pretty smoothly. Fun times. And the nurse manager gave all the students free lunch tickets for being helpful. Yay…free sushi for Katelyn.

I just wanted to update real quick before my riding lesson and say thanks to all of you who keep reading, I promise to make things more interesting as soon as I get this crazy week over with. I am in the HOME STRETCH. I can’t wait for my one month break! Someone send me some crack so I can stay awake!

So we moved in this weekend…practically pulled all nighters to get our crap together. But I am LOVING my new place. All that is left to bring over is our huge king size bed and our kitchen table. I cannot WAIT to take pictures! I just thought I would check in and say hello. I think it may be time to take a break and go shoe shopping. Don’t tell Kyle :p

But since like, three people tagged me…I guess I’ll use it as an opportunity to fill time while my (three different) sleeping pills kick in.

1. What was I doing 10 years ago?
I was almost 12 and spending lots of time with my now ex-stepsister (yeah, get your head around that one). I had just switched from public to private school and was having a pretty difficult time socially. If I remember correctly, I spent a solid chunk of my time sitting in the crawlspace in my room talking to myself.

2. What are five things on my to-do list today?
-Prepare lunch for tomorrow
-Love my kitty, Escobar
-Set out clothes for clinical
-Set my usual THREE alarms
-Achieve REM cycle sleep

3. Snacks I enjoy:
Ice cream, popcorn with olive oil on top, sushi, carrot cake, hummus and melba toast, cottage cheese.

4. Places I’ve lived:
I have lived in Cleveland suburbs my entire life. Just recently moved to Willoughby with my boyfriend, which is still considered Cleveland.

5. Things I’d do if I were a billionaire:
Pay off my millions in school loans, buy two horses and a barn to put them in, shop my ass off and buy lots and lots of shoes, pay off my parents debt, buy a nice little house with a wrap around porch, and change my major to art and/or french.

6. People I want to know more about:
Anyone who is willing to share. I also like learning about people who struggle with mental disorders probably because I can relate, and don’t feel like such a crack-job.

Wow–I just had deja vu. I didn’t answer those questions very well. Maybe it DID help those sleeping pills kick in. Off to lay down. Love you all lots, bye bye.

It was a decent day outside so I brought the camera along to one of our riding lessons. Here is a small preview of my oh-so-exciting life.

Isn’t my boyfriend just the cutest piece of peanut pie EVER? For more pictures, feel free to visit my Flickr Picture Page.

I have been getting gifts in the mail from my wishlist, which is so strange yet so totally fun. THANK YOU to anyone who has sent me a birthday/new home gift, I cannot tell you how appreciative I am! I am so excited to start moving a week from today. I have saved all the Target boxes from my gifts so I can pack things in them. But yeah, seriously. I feel loved.

I just got back from seeing M. Night Shyamalan’s “The Happening”. It was not at all what I expected…very campy, very strange, and a left me feeling a bit empty. But entertaining, none the less. I also was treated to a freaking LOVELY dinner tonight, and inhaled a salmon fillet, mashed potatoes, carrot cake, and movie popcorn. It’s ok, Katelyn. It’s ok.

Off to take a fat sleeping pill and dream the night away. Catch up with you all tomorrow.

Leukemia makes me sad. My patient threw me into an existential crisis or something. Seriously–what will I do if my mom or dad or stepfather gets cancer? This man was so scared today. I was so scared for him. Sad.

On the bright side…

Oh wait, there was no bright side today. Rawr.